American Cancer Society disgrace goes too far

Please don't read this sign and decide to not make a difference. Breast Cancer is a serious but often easily diagnosed disease that boasts a high survival rate. Unfortunately, not only are the answers to the questions incomplete sentences, they don't even answer the questions asked! This is the worst case of failure to proofread I've ever seen in a professional product and demonstrates a total lack of concern. Normal grammar disasters are funny, but when the lives of those we love are thrown in the mix, it is unforgiveable, and makes me downright angry. No award is given, no decorations granted. For shame Susan B Komen for the cure.

Proof of a government grammar conspiracy

I feel dirty just reading this convenience store bathroom sign. Unfortunately, posting this sign has been mandated by the state. If you find this sign, which is in many NY State foodservice store bathrooms, let me know, so I can track the grammar consipiracy. It starts as a declaration, turns into an imperative, and ends with a requirement for employees to wash their hands when MINE become dirty. For inefficient use of bailout funds, I award the state of NY the Mantlepiece of Infectious Sinkhole Expenditures.

The difference between F7 and good grammar

ONE: This subtitle makes me wonder what the conjugation of "to conservative" is. Meanwhile, back in Grammar Land, AKA reality, conservative is not a verb, so the governor can not seem "to conservative." TWO: What is the plural of others? Is it otherses or othersi? Again, lets go back to reality-land where you cannot have "too others." Now, imagine you're the editor of reality-land. You hit F7, the hotkey for MS Office Spellcheck, but didn't bother to turn on the GRAMMAR option along with the spelling option. Poof! You get this subtitle, just like magic. Therefore, for using spellcheck but not grammarcheck, I award the Scrolling Bar of Bad MS Office Hotkeys.

Defending your poor grammar rights

This photo and subtitle was taken from the front page of the Army Knowledge Online website, commonly referred to as AKO. This is the official portal into Army email and information management, and is thus seen by millions daily. The error is in line 6, when a comma is inserted after "Onboard are," without establishing a list. The comma is a rogue agent. With a simple refresh click and a new photo appeared with a fully detained rogue agent, but not before the grammar police had enough for a formal military tribunal. However, for having the courage to defend grammar disasters everywhere, I award the special Mayor's 9/11 Shroud of Courage, so the writer may shroud himself and his typo.

New bear breed discovered at local zoo

For those wondering about the new breed, it is the dangerous and elusive Grammar Bear. They are so dangerous when they give chase, the eventual victim is struck by a mighty run on sentence. If the writer inserted a semi-colon after "don't work," it would solve the problem. The write could have also made "The last resort is to FIGHT BACK" into its own sentence. Believe it or not, the "don't work" is correct, regardless of how clunky it sounds. I'd give some kind of award for this, but I'm afraid to anger the Grammar Bear and become his next victim.

Never taste your wares

This is a simple demonstration of the old adage about tasting your wares. The brochure advertising grapes and their associated products gets hit twice, meaning the graphic designer and the editor were, ahem, a little graped? Error 1: "Suppliments" should be "Supplements." Error 2: The paragraph is missing an "and" to make it a legit sentence, or even coherent thought. For college drunkeness while creating an informational flyer, I award the White Fiberglass Monocle of Carousing.

Another reason NOT to wear pantyhose

As if pantyhose weren't bad enough, now ladies everywhere have to wear them one leg at a time! At least that's what the editor of the leading newspaper in Syracuse, NY, wants you to believe. Technically, "pantyhose" is plural, like "pants" or "scissors." Since you would not say "Pants is 'in' again," this headline is guilty of the most common and most unforgiveable grammar disaster: a disagreement between the noun and the verb. For shaming himself in big print, I award the Opaque Cloth of Lewdness to the editor, in light of the sensual legs cleverly forming the "P" in the headline.

Why former athletes make terrible journalists

This is from a major Philadelphia, PA newspaper, dated 23 August, 2011.

I'm not laughing, and if you read the story, neither should you. In fact, if you read the entire sports section, neither should you. Not only is "Laughter" spelled wrong in size 56 print, there is no story, article, or clever pun in the whole of the sports section, let alone the two potentially related articles.

For committing acts of shame in such big, bold print, I award the Tin Medal of Foolishness. I also beseech the editor to immediately un-retire from whatever sport he left, and leave journalism to the professionals.

Welcome - First Post

I am not a grammar expert, but it seems the grammar world is falling to pieces around me. If heroes are ordinary people who do extraordinary deeds, then consider me your grammar hero. Tormented by "15 items or less" signs and headlines reading "Doctors Own Secrets to Weight Loss," I will transform into your own personal grammar superhero, righting grammar wrongs, or maybe just poking fun of grammar concoctions so haphazardly thrown together, like a monkey making banana pudding.

This blog is dedicated to those who no longer can stand terrible grammar in public and private settings by well educated and informed persons.

So read on, enjoy, and feel free to correct my own grammar; we must all strive to learn more!

P.S. If you don't understand my two examples in the first paragraph, perhaps this blog is NOT for you.